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Monday, August 29, 2005

College Humor

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Family Guy Episode Guide - Season 1

Information collected from TV Guide for each episode.

Family Guy Episode #1. Death Has a Shadow
First aired: 1/31/1999
Writer: Seth MacFarlane
Director: Peter Shin
Guest star: Fred Tatasciore (Chevy Chase), Joey Slotnick (Dick Clark), Billy West (Various)
Against strict orders from Lois, Peter drinks profusely at his buddy's bachelor party. After showing up at work hung over, Peter gets fired. When he applies for welfare, they accidentally send him a check for $150,000, which leads to a spending binge. When Lois discovers the truth, Peter attempts to return the money to the taxpayers by dumping it from a blimp at the Super Bowl. But when he is arrested, his family must come to the rescue.

Family Guy Episode #2. I Never Met the Dead Man
First aired: 4/11/1999
Writer: Chris Sheridan
Director: Michael Dante DiMartino
Guest star: Erik Estrada (Officer Ponch [Uncredited]), Frank Welker (Freddy), Joey Slotnick (Various), Aaron Lustig (Various)
While teaching Meg to drive, Peter crashes into a satellite dish and knocks out the city's cable. He goes crazy without television, until Lois suggests he spend more time with his family. This plan backfires when Peter drives the family nuts. Meanwhile, after Lois forces Stewie to eat his broccoli, he attempts to destroy all vegetables by building a weather control device.

Family Guy Episode #3. Chitty Chitty Death Bang
First aired: 4/18/1999
Writer: Danny Smith (IV)
Director: Dominic Polcino
Guest star: John O'Hurley (Cult Leader), Waylon Jennings (Himself), Gary Janetti (Various), Mike Henry (VI) (Cleveland), Patrick Bristow (Various)
Lois is furious with Peter when he allows Meg to attend a party the same day as Stewie's first birthday. Unbeknownst to Meg, she's actually attending a cult meeting and when Peter brings her back home, the cult leader follows. Stewie recognizes the leader as the man who wants to return him to the "ovarian bastille."

Family Guy Episode #4. Mind Over Murder
First aired: 4/25/1999
Writer: Garrett Donovan, Neil Goldman
Director: Roy Allen Smith
Guest star: Leslie Uggams (Various), Alex Rocco (Various), Mike Henry (VI) (Cleveland)
When Peter goes to Chris' soccer game, he inadvertently punches a woman he thought was a man. Restless under house arrest, Peter turns the basement into a bar and Lois ends up stealing the show. Meanwhile, Stewie attempts to create a time machine to avoid teething pain.

Family Guy Episode #5. A Hero Sits Next Door
First aired: 5/2/1999
Writer: Matt Weitzman, Mike Barker
Director: Monte Young
Guest star: Michelle Kwan (Herself), Suzie Plakson (Various)
When a bubbly new family moves next door, Peter gets annoyed. Lois becomes fast friends with Debbie, Meg tries to pick up on son Kyle and Peter is forced to invite Joe to play on his company baseball team. But when Joe shows up to the game in a wheelchair and wins the crowd's hearts with his slick maneuvers and winning plays, Peter decides he wants to be a hero too.

Family Guy Episode #6. The Son Also Draws
First aired: 5/9/1999
Writer: Ricky Blitt
Director: Neil Affleck
Guest star: Fred Tatasciore (Various), Bobby Slayton (Lenny), Suzie Plakson (Various), Patrick Bristow (Various)
Chris is booted from the Youth Scouts, so Peter takes the family to the Big Apple to get him reinstated. But when Peter takes a wrong turn, they end up at a Native American casino where Lois hits the slot machine once too often. Peter must embark on a vision quest to prove he has Native American blood to save the day.

Family Guy Episode #7. Brian: Portrait of a Dog
First aired: 5/16/1999
Writer: Gary Janetti
Director: Michael Dante DiMartino
Guest star: Dick Van Patten (Tom Bradford), Joey Slotnick (Various), Mary Scheer (Various)
Peter persuades Brian to swallow his pride and enter a dog show to win some extra cash. But when they argue over a trick gone bad, Brian decides he's had enough of being a second-class citizen. His struggle to assert his civil rights lands him on death row at the pound, where he discovers every dog has his day.

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When people say or do these things, do they get annoying?

When people point at their watch and ask what time it is. I know where my watch is, where's yours? I don't point at my pants and ask where the bathroom is now do I?!

People are willing to get up and search the entire room for the remote because they refuse to walk up to the TV and change the channel manually.

When people say "its always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you found it? Do people really do this? Who and where are they?

When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too.' OF COURSE. What good is a cake if you can't eat it? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?

When people at the movies say 'you see that?' No, I paid $9.00 to come to the theater and to stare at the ceiling up there. What did you come here for?

When something is 'new and improved', which one is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been sumthin before it.

When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know, your the one that pulled me over.

When people say 'Life is short' What? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! Is there something they are doing longer, and what is it?

When people ask 'Can I BORROW a piece of paper?' Sure, but when you put all your answers on it, I want it back! I mean its a piece of paper!

When your waiting for the bus and the guy next to you asks 'bus come yet?' If it had came I wouldn't be standing here now would I?

People who ask, 'Can I ask you a question?' Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya buddy?

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